The Hail Mary pass...

I did it. I threw the Hail Mary - that long, forward pass thrown by football quarterbacks close to the end zone as possible while the clock runs out.

I threw it as far as I could; from New York to South Carolina where I've landed on both feet in the end zone and, quite possibly, scored the winning touchdown. A whole lifetime of trauma, illness, tragedy, and top-heavy responsibility led me here and it's been a very, very long journey.

And, I won't know until I know.

Nearly 20 years ago I was asking God to throw the Hail Mary as I succumbed to cancer and Lupus in one tremendous and episodic journey to the other side. He (and thus, I) prevailed to see many other days raising my children, nurturing my marriage, playing with friends and working as a writer. You can read more in my book, DYING TO LIVE: Running backwards through cancer, Lupus and chronic illness.

And now I'm exhausted because I have finally given myself permission to rest, relax and rejuvenate. At 55, I want to just be... And after many years of locale research and extended stays, it is sunny, warm South Carolina that affords me that opportunity. It's where all the hard work and hand-holding my husband and I did for each other, our children, our extended family, and strangers seems satisfied.

Yet I find myself already filling out a volunteer application for nearby Brookgreen Gardens. !!!???

I come from a long line of doers - people who do for others yet neglect themselves. The only thing I've truly neglected is my health and it needs tending; my body tells me so. So since arriving here nearly a week ago and rejoicing in my new home and environment, I am listless and unable to do much but sleep, eat, and watch television. Yet, I am at peace far away from family and friends who I miss. Plus, I am blessed by two sons who are carving their own way in the world. I am here by choice and surrounded by the love, hope and grace that emanates from within me. Yup, simply from me.

What comes next is anyone's guess and I'll wait for it all to arrive. If it's weekly bike riding thanks to an electric-powered bike, walks on the beach or in the warm rain, meals out with my husband, meeting new friends, escaping with the dog and, perhaps, tending a garden even though I've always had a black thumb, I will smile and hum along with whatever tune is playing.

If it's illness yet again, I will face it with dignity and courage and choice; that is, my choice if I want to get treatment or fold into my own harmony and spirit with all the beauty that is around me and the memories that sustain me.

Godspeed in 2016...

Wheeling and Healing...

Exhilarating! For a couple of hours, I was a child again forgetting that it's been 20 years since I rode a bike, due to cancer, Lupus, and chronic illness. I found that sweet spot that makes you never want to leave. I was flying!

After being 'forbidden' by my husband and children to get a motorcycle or scooter in my new hometown of Murrells Inlet, South Carolina, I stumbled upon a store that rents and sells electric bikes. Pedego of Myrtle Beach. The shop's wonderfully knowledgeable, friendly and patient owner, Aaron, guided me through the process of trial and error as I visited the store a few times and, finally, a 12-mile ride yesterday through Market Commons, Myrtle Beach State Park, and nature trails I didn't know existed.

I was pedaling and I was exercising and I was using the throttle when my legs got tired - zooming up to 20 miles per hour with the wind rushing through my hair and the glee rising in my heart. We six newbies, on rented bikes, became fast friends as we caught up time and again with each other and our two guides. Up and down, across and through we went calling "Hellos" and "Good mornings" to passerby and residents while ringing our little bells to let people know we were coming.

It was joyful. It was exactly what I was looking for - a reconnect to my soul and spirit from before traumatic illness; a pathway to yet another 'new normal' as I regain opportunity to physically do more in a warmer climate and on flatter topography. Those of us with chronic ailments mourn every time we lose an ability or activity we loved. Riding the Pedego electric bike yesterday may have been simply a joy-ride for some but, for me, it was a very long-awaited triumph. And the fact that it will help contain or correct my various diseases and rely less on medication is huge. HUGE!

I can't say enough about the bike and the shop that have literally handed me back a piece of my life that I thought was lost forever. In fact, according to owner, Aaron, most Pedego enthusiasts are those 55 or older who have some sort of medical issue including but not limited to knee, back or joint problems, excess weight, pulmonary restrictions, and, even, depression. This is not just a bike, it's a lifestyle as Pedego owners gather every week in Aaron's shop to talk, share, learn, and ride.

As I laughed and pumped my fist and shouted out "woo hoo" on my ride, I was so pleased to find the bike able and stable on uneven, rocky, sandy or pocked ground. I soared through the ride and, while I am a bit tired today, my joints hurt less and I slept more soundly. I can't wait until next time!