Feeling GROOVY!

Hello lamp post, whatcha knowing; I think you've got some flowers growing.

Ain't ya got no time for me; boop bee dee boop boop feeling groovy!

It's the very first song I learned on guitar as a young girl in the '60s. I was so excited! I felt part of a revolution generation where everything was going to be wonderful, loving and happy! 

A few weeks ago, I was in an awful Lupus flare and, yes, I was the lamp post - stuck because I was in so much pain. But then a wonderful thing happened - some flowers started growing around me and I've come alive again.

In the past week, I've been blessed with a wonderful, private book launch party, a FREE promotion on Amazon Kindle that has attracted over 150 downloads in just two days, a raffle for 10 of my books on goodreads where 235 readers have entered and added DYING TO LIVE: Running backwards through cancer, Lupus and Chronic illness to their "want to read" lists and I'm taping a local television show in Myrtle Beach, SC today. It is called Your Health is Wealth with Dalal Akoury, M.D. I will be representing the cancer patient's point of view.

Flowers, flowers everywhere!

And those are just the successes I'm having right now. Some of my colleagues and friends who also struggle with chronic illness are in the midst of celebratory events as well. I am as excited for them as I am for me.

Yet, unfortunately, I wait. I wait for the ax to fall; the shoe to drop. I know this time will be fleeting since my ailments are so unpredictable. I'm continuing with the new integrative/functional medicine diet and supplements and find that I am feeling better but I still can't attribute any of it to my overall well-being. Time will tell. It is still too soon. I am hopeful.

And that's the best those of us who are sick can do - be hopeful and helpful to others who are experiencing the same. I try. I wake each day wondering what small steps I can take and in what order I will take them. I know today is a biggie with the television show taping, so tomorrow will be a day of rest. I've learned that much.

So go off today and enjoy that shower if that's all you can do. Do an errand. Visit with a pal. Write a poem. If you can't leave your bed, that's okay, too. Place a vase of beautifully smelling flowers next to your bed. Inhale their scent and know that even though you're the lamp post today, seeds are already being planted for you for tomorrow.

Book launch party at Coastal Wine Boutique, Myrtle Beach, SC

Feeling Groovy

It's been over two weeks that I've been eating a diet prescribed by Dalal Akoury, M.D. to eliminate toxins in my body and begin (finally) to take control of my health through a proper diet.

It's a lot of damn work!

My goal is to - simply - feel better and try to stop using some of the many pharmaceutical drugs I have come to rely on as a chronically ill person. And to put a halt to future degradation of my physical well-being. Can I do it?

I still don't know.

First of all, some of the foods are tasteless and I have to find novel ways to spice them up - literally. Secondly, it is pricey to buy all natural, organic, free-range foods. So much of what used to exist naturally in our fruits, vegetables, chickens and cows has been altered up to 4000 per cent since the 1970's, leaving many nutrients behind, explains Dr. Akoury and the research studies I have been reading.

Lastly, I have to cook. I hate cooking. I used to love to bake and I will return to that now that I have healthful recipes to try. We really need to all go back to the prairie yet I just read in my local newspaper today that a family is being fined for keeping goats and chickens on their property. Zoning doesn't allow it and we all know those laws grew out of great hygiene concerns of the last century or so.

But I'm feeling good and that has to count for something! Yeah, I'm still cheating now and then but food is love for the soul - or is it the other way around? Don't care. Gonna keep trucking and trying.

* * *

In other news, I must speak about our own paradigms for suffering or tragedy. When we are in crisis, we are told to look towards someone who has it worse to put things in perspective. It's good advice and it may help for the moment but your individual crisis is - well - individual and personal to you. Pain, whether in body or spirit, is real. Anguish is real. Distress, in whatever form, affects us no matter how many others have trouble in their own lives. But recognizing and empathizing with others' troubles are what make us human and connected.

Today is my niece's birthday. She is nearly my age having been born to a sister who is 18 years older than me. I wished her a Happy Birthday even though she is in the throes of one of the biggest challenges of her life. Knowing her, she will tackle what seems to be insurmountable right now with grace and acceptance - in due time. I ache for her and her family; yet I also know she will still be the first one to help someone else in need even during this time of sheer agony for her.

This blog, then, is written in honor of my amazing, wonderful, compassionate, brilliant niece. May the food on her table be bountiful and prepared with love, the prayers sent her family's way count as high as the stars, and the tremendous difficulty of her family's healing journey begin today.

I love you, Leslie. 

"Free" Food

Wheat free, gluten free, dairy free, cholesterol free, carbohydrates free, sugar free, peanut free, soy free, corn free, citrus free, additives free and I'm not even hung-ree!

Even though it hasn't been easy, I've stuck to this elimination diet prescribed by integrative/functional medicine physician Dalal Akoury, M.D. for seven days now as best I can. Yeah, I've cheated a bit but it's really, really hard not to indulge a craving, as you all know. Best of all, I've added a new natural sugar, quinoa, flax seed and sea salt, and a number of other foods and products I never would have tried.

I've learned a lot about genetically modified foods (bad) and organic and free-range meats (good) and find I'm eating a lot of rice  - white rice, rice milk, rice waffles, rice mozzarella cheese and even rice cakes. Yes, Delilah Jones of Imagine Publicity, I have found a brand of rice cakes that don't taste like paper towels!

I've also learned that purported healthy food is not necessarily good for you - even those found in a 'healthy' supermarket, grocery or supplements store. It's the food additives that are most hard to avoid. In Dr. Akoury's upcoming book, "Please Don't Eat the Donuts," she lists these additives and their consequences. YUK. I never want to eat 'un-healthy' again.

And I think that's the whole point of "Dr. Dolly's" elimination diet. Even though I am doing a 'toxic cleansing' for 10 days, I am also introducing myself to a wide variety of foods armed with educational materials (that I carry to the stores with me) to make the right choices. In my 16 years as a professional patient I can honestly say I have never had someone in the medical profession present this information to me in such a clear, concise and loving way. I am so glad I went ahead with my first intake appointment at AwareMed Health & Resource Center and didn't get scared.

I'm not going to launch into a lengthy discussion or reference any health food sources here because MY diet is tailored to MY specific needs. And I think that is key. Although Dr. Dolly will extol the virtues of the new food pyramid that puts fruits and veggies on the largest bottom tier rather than meats, there are so many other things to learn about what we put in our guts.

I will leave you with one final story: Years ago, post-chemotherapy treatment, I went to the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, New York for an Introductory Weekend. I went alone and roomed with a stranger - a first for me. And I went with wobbly legs, chemo brain, and an overall weakened immune system. But I needed to explore restorative health practices including foods, yoga, humor, etc. It was a life-changing experience and I was so proud to have done it all by myself.

One day, we did a session on food and it was obviously geared more towards those who have trouble with being overweight. However, the exercise (which I thought was quite foolish as we began) invited us to chew one raisin for at least 60 seconds; that is, not gulp them down in handfuls like we usually do. We experienced the sweetness, the tartness, the texture and learned how to appreciate a single item of food.

As we went around the circle describing what we'd learned from the exercise, surprisingly, I burst into tears! I realized then that I had been mortally afraid of food. You see, when you are diagnosed with cancer or Lupus or any other life-threatening illness, you are immediately bombarded with messages, information, and books about what kind of diet to eat to prevent or cure cancer. I tried some of Dr. Andrew Weil's stuff (even writing to him in desperation only to get a form letter in return) and a macrobiotic diet (miso soup for breakfast - UGH) and went to a naturo-pathic doctor leaving his office with hundreds of dollars of supplements that I couldn't swallow because my throat was so mangled from the emergency tracheotomy.

So a food imprint was born and I strove to get back to my fairly healthy diet where I ate everything in moderation. That worked until I was struck with gastroparesis a little over two years ago. Since it's time for a food revolution in my body, I am so glad to have a skilled healer to guide me correctly.

So, perhaps, you might start your own new food journey. You can start with one small raisin.

NOTE: I have been told that many of you are having trouble posting on my blog site. Please send me emails at ascrohn@gmail.com and I will be sure to post any comments you'd like. Thank you to those of you who have contacted me in one way or another and, once my website is complete, you will have another avenue to reach out to me. I love reading your comments! 

Writer's Blockhead

It's happened. A first for me, yet as I sit here trying to get back to work on my books and proposal, I feel like I'm stepping off a cliff.

I know that I will become immersed and completely unavailable to anyone or anything that wants or needs my attention. I know I will cry and laugh and be, once again, fascinated by medical research that supports the theory that childhood maltreatment contributes to adult physical illness such as the ACE Study.

I know I will become more aware of how important it is to stay on a path of holistic health while integrating traditional medicine as well as alternatives. I am blessed to learn of Dr. Dalal Akoury at AwareMed who breathes knowledge on this topic.

So my blockhead is cement; not unlike the other-worldly image of a statue that I have envisioned since I was a teenager that was my barometer of me. First thing in the morning, I would do a mental check of my statue and some days it would be teetering back and forth, other days a limb would be broken and laying on the ground and on another it might be in many pieces. Each daily image would signal to me how I should take care of myself that day - both mentally and physically.

Today, my statue is rock solid and impenetrable and even a bit obstinate (it's eyes are closed and it's arms are folded across its chest). So I'm taking it as a sign that now is not a good time to delve back into a memoir that is painful to edit, especially on the heels of the recent passing of my friend and colleague, Susan Murphy Milano to whom nothing was ever daunting enough to stop her except that damn cancer. I feel that my words may be colored by my anger and grief that she is really gone.

Besides, I convince myself, there is house cleaning and holiday decorations to pull out of storage and bring to cheerful life. I finished my holiday shopping completely via the internet. Gotta love that Cyber Monday!

But, to be honest, I am hurting today. My ailments - particularly Fibromyalgia are in full throttle. I tried to scrub the tub but it hurt. I walked the dog and it hurt. I am carrying laundry up and down the stairs but it hurts. I re-injured my back in a car incident on Thanksgiving day and it hurts. Tomorrow I'll get back into the physical therapy pool because I've got to keep moving through the pain and, perhaps, the next day will be writing/editing day.

This blockhead's deadlines loom but only by my own making. Now that I have a respectable amount of followers of this blog (mostly those signed up by email) and am learning the ins and outs of making it better (particularly for the European readers I seem to have according to my stats. Howdy mates!), I will get moving and writing and editing. It's the best medicine there is.

Autumn in Murrells Inlet South Carolina.