Luv u!

Simple words. Huge meaning. And whether it's 'luv u' via text or 'love you' by phone, it's the sign-off we use among my family and close friends. I am very grateful for the loving relationships in my life and for the positive impact it has on my health.

In fact, scientific research has proven that the lack of social relationships contribute to higher mortality rates. A 2010 study completed by researchers at Brigham Young University, Provo, Utah and University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill concludes:

"Social relationships, or the relative lack thereof, constitute a major risk factor for health - rivaling the effect of well established health risk factors such as cigarette smoking, blood pressure, blood lipids, obesity and physical activity.”

They describe how loneliness is becoming epidemic in well-developed countries, like the United States and the United Kingdom, and this social isolation is truly an indicator of how long one might live.

I guess we knew that already since most extended families no longer live with or near each other and independence or being on one's own is so valued in contemporary society. This is why my husband and I are in the process of purchasing a condominium in the same town in which we sold our house of 28 years just this past September. We realized that we need a 'home base' for our nuclear family of four as our sons leave the nest and my husband and I flee as often as possible to the southern state condominium we bought five years ago. But our roots are here; our boys are grounded here - in New York.  

I am so grateful. I am thrilled that my two young men want us in their lives as much as we want to be in theirs. I am excited that we can all look forward to a gathering place - a home for all of us and, later, their wives and children, if that's in the future. And be it South or North, we will be together.

My memories are so strong and I can't help thinking of the book Love You Forever by Robert Munsch that I tried and tried to read all the way through to my sons when they were young. It's 'refrain' is simple but powerful:

I'll love you forever,

I'll like you for always,

As long as I'm living

my baby you'll be.

Throughout the simple story, the mother rocks her little baby to and fro' singing this little song. She does it when her son is in his younger years all the way up to when he is a grown man when she sneaks over to his house in the dark of  night and pulls him out of bed and rocks him there. Implausible? Yes;  but the pictures speak a million words. 

Then the mom grows old and tired and asks her son to visit her. It is then that the grown son holds his feeble mother and rocks her to and fro' singing:

I'll love you forever,

I'll like you for always,

As long as I'm living

my Mommy you'll be.

Even though my tears are flowing long before this part of the simple but powerful book, now I can't even continue reading. And then the grown son repeats this act with his newborn daughter. 

I love deeply even though it means I will be hurt from time to time. I love so many people in my life and I am not afraid to express it even if I just have to whisper 'love you' as I'm leaving someone's house or my church or even a doctor's office. At times, it's a quick 'love you' to God and those whom I have lost to death. 

So forgive me my tears as I try to read Robert Munsch's book. Borrow it from the children's library and try it yourself. I dare you.

The Black Hole

No matter how many years have passed, this time of year reminds me of my battle with "The Big C" and how I nearly died without an emergency tracheotomy and brutal chemotherapy. After my surgical biopsy revealed I had Stage IV Hodgkin's Lymphoma, a tumor lodged between my heart and lung and the ensuing days when, coupled with new-found Lupus, I descended into a hell unknown to me. Three years and many treatments and several near death experiences later, I emerged - new and naked. I had to recreate me.

But an amazing thing also happened when I ascended to Heaven for some moments, saw the light, and was able to look down on my own body on its gurney, the rushing doctors and nurses and my terrified husband. Briefly returning to my lifeless body, I told him to say goodbye to my sons and that I loved him. And then off I went to a peaceful, beautiful place until I woke in a trauma unit at another hospital with eyes swollen shut. Of course, when I was able to speak weeks later, I swore it never happened.

Then how would I have recognized the two nurses who tended to me? How did I 'see' my husband throw his trembling body over mine, screaming: "No, no! Amy! My soul mate!" Later, when I could read about such experiences, I learned I had entered a new club, if you will - those who are fortunate enough to visit Heaven and return. I haven't been afraid to die since.

The tears flow freely right now, not only from my memories but also from the tragic events unfolding all around us in this life; the grief, the misery, the sheer torture of it all for so many. And I felt it important that I write this down, perhaps selfishly because I still suffer from bouts of post traumatic stress disorder and to share one of my favorite quotes:

 “I have never met a person whose greatest need was anything other than real, unconditional love. You can find it in a simple act of kindness toward someone who needs help. There is no mistaking love. You feel it in your heart. It is the common fiber of life, the flame that heats our soul, energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives.

It is our connection to God and to each other."

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

On Death and Dying

Let's stay connected, even if just through social media or email.

Let's remember those we miss so terribly. 

Let's wrap the holiday season around us in increments that we can manage, however big or small.

Let's feel our hearts heal and beat with love. 

I'm trying, God, I'm trying. 

Photo taken at Brookgreen Gardens, Murrells Inlet, S.C.