Friday, June 14, 2013


The 2004 movie Crash is one of my favorite films. It's innovative take on race relations slamming head on was mind bending and also, to me, numbing.

While I am not going to discuss how diverse groups of people get along (or not) here, I am simply co-opting the word "Crash" to describe how I feel after semi-launching my book and working too many hours on projects on my endless 'to-do' list. Numb and in pain.

As someone with Lupusfibromyalgia, and a host of life-long side effects from aggressive chemotherapy and other tests and treatments for cancer (in remission), my physical body still crashes every now and then; particularly if I do too much in a short period of time. *Sigh.*

It is not my nature to sit still. I love being busy. I just have to drag my body along sometimes and it's tiring and frustrating. Pity party ends at midnight tonight - no excuses. Promise!

A family member recently became close to complete paralysis due to a fall. He faces at least a year of dragging his body around until he reaches his 'new normal.' I deeply feel his pain as well as his resilience. He will get better because he wants to. It will take time and hard, tiring work.

Motivation is a funny thing. It propels us and, yet, sometimes eludes those of us with chronic illness, particularly of the auto-immune kind. We can never quite understand why our own bodies' chemistry turns against us. I am grateful that this is a prime area of medical study these days, according to my doctors who continue to surprise me with what they are learning and how they are changing treatments for a myriad of diseases.

So 'rah rah' for the immune system today! I will get a shower, eat healthy food and carry on with an important day where I must focus on my son. He is today's priority and the rest of the 'to-do' list will just have to wait.

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