“Sometimes you have to kind of die inside in order to rise from your own ashes and believe in yourself and love yourself to become a new person.”
Oh, how many times have I done this? At least five or six and counting...
These past couple of months have been a time of deep reflection. Regardless of the chronic illness and grief I endure every day, I'm pondering just 'regular' things like the empty nest, buying a home in my beloved Murrells Inlet, South Carolina and adapting to a 'new normal' with health challenges all over again.
I've been referring to the new house as "my final resting place," for it is the last house or residence I will ever purchase and it is the place where I know I will live out the rest of my days. It's a dream come true and one I thought I might never see. Certainly my doctors in the late 1990s all the way up to today didn't think I would still be here...living...dreaming...attempting another huge change in my life even though I'm sick and fraught with loss.
Yes, you can live with chronic illness or disabilities and grief for people who have died before you or all that you have lost due to continual adaptation. Those of us who do must always remain vigilant but we can not let the cancers, the autoimmune disorders, the tragedies and the various odd ailments that strike us out of the blue as a result of chemotherapy or medications or, simply, stress ever, ever derail us. I still reach out and talk to those who are dealing with often fatal disease or a sudden death in the family but it is my choice and it is private. The lessons I learned can't really be taught. Or can they?
All those wonderful sayings that scroll by us on Facebook or other social media tell us that life is to be lived in moments. Three near death experiences 18 years ago, the loss of many loved ones including my brother to suicide shouldn't have had to teach that to me. But if you still need to learn this lesson, my book DYING TO LIVE: Running backwards through cancer, Lupus and chronic illness may help. A revised version should be published in 2016.
I'm no yogi and I'm no psychic. I'm just a regular person dealing with irregular bumps in the road. And I know I'm not alone.